Today was just what I needed.
Service at church today really spoke to me. It was about the religious and the lawless. I discovered how religious I was becoming but in more of a self righteous light. My main struggle is opening up to others. I hate it because I just sound like I’m begging for favors or pity. Anytime someone is there to offer help or prayer or just simply asks how I’m doing I always say I’m fine which is such a lie. I don’t know if its fear of being vulnerable and enabling another person to do with the knowledge of my insecurities as they please, if it’s a fear of seeming weak, or my obsession with pleasing people and not wanting to bombard or bother anyone with my petty issues. I have such pathetic issues compared to the rest of the world it makes me ashamed to admit how weak I am. I just always feel like no one can help me, like there’s nothing they can say that I don’t already know that will make it better, like the only thing that could come from confessing to them would be them simply just gaining knowledge of my embarrassing issues. I really just don’t know why its so impossible for me to be honest but I decided today that enough was enough and I needed to put my fears and pride aside. I know God is sovereign, all knowing, powerful, and loving, and therefore has a point to everything I’m going through. I realize that I can’t carry all my burdens alone. I know I need to lean on God but I need to lean on my community as well. God created community for a reason. Today helped me start to open up to others on a deeper level. I can feel the stress lift a little already.
